A story retold another time

“In the beginning, I didn't feel much about it

Even if it’s a lie

If we come to love each other like this

Then I wouldn't mind at all”

A re-story retold by a departed in memoriam

A student confesses to her teacher...

The teacher dismisses the admiration...

The teacher is distressed of the passing of his dearly loved...

The teacher promises to not pursue a romanticized commitment again

The student confesses and tells that she is the girl that went away...

The teacher, taken aback, was so glad to see her...

The student's friend tells the student that should study rather than reading his & her diary...

The teacher and student rekindled the memories of the diary...

“The first date...

The first kiss...

The first time...

September 20 (Sunday) Sunny

****o, do remember the first time we had ***?

Are you okay, ****o?

You’re acting a little scary?

We weren't really awkward with each other…but…I’m really happy…”

The student and teacher continued the roughly misinterpreted deeds…

The ecstasy in the ignorance…

“Oct. 29 (Saturday) Cloudy

The day I get admitted at the hospital…My illness finally worsened…”

The student continued to please the teacher in blissful harmony

“November 25^th…

It seems like at this time…I can’t speak that well…

I’m losing more and more of my memories. I can’t remember the letters…”

The students is delightful but more so, thinks that she feels dreadful…

The student’s friend agreed and tells that at the least, she has her reasons…

The student’s friend then discovered a missed entry…

The teacher realized the diary is lost…

The teacher became more forceful in their deeds…

“December 15^th rainy

****o…

It doesn’t look like

I can write

Anymore”

The teacher told the student that because of her mental illness, she began to lose the ability to write…

The next entries thereafter became white…

The next that happened was literally and figuratively, demise in all directions…

The student then tells that this is the only way she could do it, cause she loves him…

The student said that he wanted him to be happy and thought it was a good idea…

“I didn't think about…

How much you two suffered back then…

I’m sorry…”

“Give me back the diary…”

The teacher and student then met again and talked of the events that occurred…

The teacher told the student that she is too innocent, lacking of the princessly feel of her…

“October 24^th Cloudy

Dear ****o,

****o you’re too nice…

I’m sure you’ll just keep holding on to the memories of me…

So let me just say this!

I’ll never forgive you if you blame me…

For being unable to find a new love…

You idiot!!!

I beg of you…

Because…

I love you…”

The memory of love by

A Japanese writer

P.S

This is not a story I made but as stated above from a Japanese writer...This is totally out of the book and unlawful but its a story worthy to be retold in my perspective...I cannot disclose where and what the story is really about which may seem cryptic as it is already...I just took an excerpt of the story truly worthy even with all its bleeps and censorship...You could check it out if you want but just be prepared to what may seem uncanny in its truest colors...it is of mature content...

The Kid In My Mother

Note: Parang weird yung title? hahaha anyway... I think this is yet another childish post but oh well, I am still allowed, right ^^

    I've always believed that nobody could love people equally. Or maybe I'm wrong, please tell me, that will be fine. Maybe I would witness something in the future that will make me change my belief, but if it doesn't, then I've accepted this kind of situation already. Even to me, and to the many wonderful things I pay attention to, it happens.

  And I always thought my mother is exactly an example. When I was younger, I negatively viewed this. That my mother is somehow, from the smallest to the biggest of things, treated my younger sister better despite her being sort of spoiled or something. However, as I grow up, it changes, of course. I thought, maybe because I'm older and more capable on taking care of myself, being more independent, I do not need such attention anymore. And undeniably, my younger sister, despite being this hard-headed and spoiled little brat (who disagrees to help me with the laundry), has a pretty face and a touch of cuteness even a stoic face couldn't resist. So yeah, I was being immature so I've decided to just accept things and appreciate having a complete and happy family.

 Recently, my father and I talked a lot about her secretly, haha. I am used to having meaningful, funny, and memorable conversations with my father whom I look up to a lot. And this time he helps me understand things a bit more, since I'm starting to open my eyes to everything. That includes studying the family members' inner personalities, so we could have a closer and a relationship with less worries in the future. Anyway, the specific topic we talked about was the sudden and 'cute' change in my mother's actions towards me.

  We understand that she is a busy woman, working and earning money for us, and she tends to hangout with her friends, reasons why she wasn't able to get home early and have time for us. Well, who wants to be home early just to do the chores for the rest of the day, right? Sometimes, the routine is not healthy and fun. That's why I'm here (raises my hand) to replace her. But well, something changed about her and we really like it. She started to get all cheerful and laughing once again when she gets home, and sometimes, she would help us with whatever we are doing, even the nonsensical things (Does making a bunch of weird selfies count?). Also, she would initiate a talk with me, and although it wasn't as understanding and as deep as my father's topics, I was beyond happy. Who wouldn't? It was the best feeling. But on top of all that, my father and I noticed a habit she started which she normally doesn't, and I'm surprised when she did it for the first time.

  Okay, so this is not a big thing or a serious thing, but it's a big deal for me, personally. After dinner, or sometimes lunch time, she puts a mug of water beside my plate, only for me. When I haven't noticed it, she would remind me that she got me a drink and that I do not have to go get it by myself anymore. That small move didn't just happened once.

  And I am more surprised when she started doing that everyday. I was happy, because come on! Small things and those little details show the sincerity and care of the person! My father also noticed this, and we shared smiles and soft laughs as we talked about how 'cute' my mother is. Father told me that mom's not really expressive (and I was like 'ooohhhh, that's why'), just like me who doesn't do well in expressing myself except writing. I should've been more considerate and understandable at the beginning, I didn't knew she was having a hard time expressing her love for us. But oh well, I love her own version of expressing haha it's cute, and original. XD

  Then at the end, we've discovered another detail. The mug that mother used to hand me over after our meals, it was the same mug everyday, and I wanted to find the reason why. Father, with a playful smirk on his face, showed me that blue mug and pointed something that answers my sudden confusion, and that is the fact that it is customized, a very familiar name written on the mug. The name was 'Precious', which is just the name of my younger sister.

  Father says, "Maybe she was still thinking of your sister while giving you some water?"

  Eh, but who cares? My mom is cute and I love her!

Kwentong Jeepney

note: These stories were all my experiences. I used to hate na mag-commute but I learned to love it, everytime na sasakay ka ng jeep ibat-ibang kwento yung mae-encounter mo. Maging observant lang tayo and just enjoy the ride.

-Pauwi na ko from school then may sumakay na mag-nanay, si nanay highblood sa anak niya yung anak naman niya iyak ng iyak. Sabi ng nanay "anong iniiyak mo yung grade mo na bagsak o dahil break na kayo ng boyfriend mo sabi ko kasi sayo mag-aral ka lang hindi mag-lande ikaw eh umekstra-curricular activity ka pa napala mo."(si mother hindi man lang maka-hintay na makauwi bago sermunan yung anak niya)

-Yung pag-sakay ko  umandar agad yung jeep tapos naiwan yung sapatos ko sa kalsada. Sabi ko kuya wait bababa ako, pag-akyat ko deadma lang ako kunwari walang nangyari.(pero sa totoo lang hiyang-hiya na ko pero kelangan ko pangatawanan yung kahihiyan ko hahaha)

-May nakasakay rin akong dalawang kolehiyala (kalalakas ng boses kala nabili yung buong jeep) nagtatalo sila kung nasaan yung Trinoma. Sabi ng isang girl "di ba katabi lang ng Greenbelt yun" sabi naman ng pangalawa "hindi ah, nasa may The Fort kaya yun."(seriously kelan pa naging katabi ng Greenbelt or napunta sa Global city ang Trinoma)

-May nakasakay rin ako, akala mo  si ate may photoshoot ng isang shampoo commercial, hindi man lang itali or hawakan yung buhok niya para hindi makaperwisyo.(sarap sabihan teh hindi ako kumakain ng buhok)

-Yung bababa na ko ng jeep tapos ang nasabi ko manong ba-bye na po instead na manong para po. (feeling close kay kuya)

-May nakasakay rin ako na isang couple both of them looked conservative (si ate kuntodo longsleeves pa at mahabang palda) hindi nagtagal pagtingin ko sa kanila si ate halos kumandong na kay kuya (sana kumandong na lang talaga siya nakatipid pa sila) I thought yun na yung worst hindi pa pala, pagkatingin ko ulit sa kanila yung kamay ni ate na sa crotch area na ni kuya. (I was really shocked gusto ko ng sumigaw mga imoral jeep ito jeep hindi motel)

-May nakasakay rin ako na isang pogi he's fom HSI base sa kanyang uniform. I kept on looking on his ID but in a subtle way lang and trying my very best na mabasa yung name niya despite ng pagsusway-sway ng ID niya. And finally huminto yung jeep but to my disappointment bumaliktad yund ID lalong hindi ko nakita.( naalala ko yung line ng fave song ko ng beatles "for if I ever saw you I didn't catch your name but it never really mattered" No for me it mattered)

-Ito yung pinaka-worst na naranasan ko. Malapit na ko sa school ng ma-realized ko na hindi pa ko nagbabayad then it dawned on me na naiwan ko yung wallet ko. Hindi ko na alam gagawin ko naisip ko na mag one-two-three pero natakot ako, ginawa ko humanap ako ng pwede makatulong saken sabi ko sa katabi ko kuya pautang naman babalik ko na lang pag nagkita ulit tayo promise!(with matching taas pa ng kanang kamay) 

P.S.

hahaha I know na walang kwenta, I just wanted to share my stories.

A Heart for a Mission

           
              I and my two other brothers had always wanted to be a part of a mission. But when we had the chance we were a bit of hesitant because it was costly, we have to provide for our airfare, our food and other expenses. But we realized that if we are truly into mission, we have to be willing to sacrifice even our own resources, so we decided to join.
              I always thought that mission were just about sharing the love of God, sharing your blessings and all that sort of things. But when we were already in Davao and I learned that we had no hotel accommodation or any decent place to stay on. I really wanted to back out, but I remembered that we were there for a mission not for vacation. And as we walked towards the mountain and after an endless walk we finally reached the tribal community. And as I'ved looked upon the place and the people my heart went out to them and  I wondered on how they survived in such place, no electricity, no any means of transportation except by walked , a malaria prone area and really it was located in the middle of nowhere in the mountains of Davao, but thanked God they had at least a good water system courtesy of some foreign mission team. The tribe was forgotten by our government as if they were not existing. Most of them were not educated, some of them were still living like a nomads. But despite of their indigent life, they're such a good people. They welcomed us with such warmth and they even prepared some food for us, though very simple still we found it special, arrozcaldo or rice porridge, corned beef and instant noodles. And when we learned the story behind it really made me cry. They only cooked rice for special occasion coz they cannot afford to buy rice but still they cooked it for us, They just have mais, camote, or saging for their everyday meal. And about the corned beef and the instant pancit canton we found out that it came from another mission and they just kept it, so they can served a special meal for visitors. They have nothing to give yet they are still giving. The tribe were blessed with a vast land and yet they are poor. Their situation were really heartbreaking, so for even a short time we made them happy. We gave them some activities that they  really enjoyed, taught them the alphabets and numbers, and most of all we taught them that God loves them and He bestowed them an abundant blessings, we even bathed them and after they took a bath they still wore their dirty clothes because they only had few. And when we took some pictures of them the smiles in their faces gave us a real joy. And as we bid our goodbyes to them and as we started to walk they turned their backs coz they don't want to see us leaving their place. Even for a short time we learned to love those people.

               My brother told me that the main goal of our mission were to blessed those people in our own little way, and for us to remain humble and compassionate. We're planning to go back their in November for a medical mission and will be headed by our very own beautiful doctor and with some of her friends who were also a doctors by proffession.

Hear and smell the breeze

When you do something so unusual in your daily, weekly or monthly schedule...

you tend to experience the strange and the odd of things because simply, it is not the

habit,  pattern, convention and at times regrettably, an inclination.

 Taking the path less taken leads to an occasion doing something for the most basic instance

that creates origin of times that are one of the best if not the best. Recently, I have not

trekked or excavated. Sadly, for the past year, I just got do it twice for the former and for the latter,

it has been 2 or 3 years since my last field season.  So I may be biased in saying this.

But it truly rings truth to the unusual for brings out senses that may seem unfit but actually fits.

 Just like feeling the breeze but smelling it might as well be otherworldly or bizarre at best;  

to the point that you smelled sunshine, the wind, the trees and its leaves and the earth.

Those are moments we need to strive for. Moments that takes us to another world

that is true in the false and true in the true.

Contradiction in essence

Life and reality has its abundant share of contradictions

From hot contradicting cold, big contradicting small, peace contradicting war,

dark contradicting good, and so many others in which one may ask where or

when it will end.

Change is the only constant facet of reality. Is contradictions as well? Is

contradictions in nature good or healthy for the world and its residents?

Contradictions confuse people. One can say that he/she hates you but in actuality

cares for you. One can be so friendly to you but in reality, he/she is your

greatest adversary. One can tell you I will torture you but in totality, I will help

you.In these cases of contradictions, one can truly see what man and woman can

only see - a limited scope of what truthfully is, an instinctive ignorance.

People can read between the lines as much as they can to see contradictions.

People can listen carefully to really hear contradictions. People can thoroughly

feel what is to understand in contradictions.Contradiction is life diversified.

It is part of life that is part of reality's purpose and movement forward,

backward or sideward.

Contradictions are appalling most of the time for it messes your senses in different ways

but then again, contradictions grasped sincerely paves a way to one of life's

finest surprises - a contradiction that takes breaths and words away. This contradiction

of individuals, circumstances,scenarios and moments that though mortifies the

hell out of you for being so effing wrong...beautifully astonishes you into different heights -

making you see that the big difference is only an daydream of what one truly is,

a Godly gift that makes this mess of a world worth something.

this is what open windows does

So for a week, I did not check my email for I have been waiting for something. I just got to read those emails. So I was not expecting so much in regards to that email. I already got to prepare myself for the worse case scenario to lessen the blow. Then what I expected came true, I was accepted then rejected. Goodness man!!! that is not cool, I mean, letting you taste your favorite food with a bowl of it but they just let you get a spoonful...bitch!!! Hahaha...well, that is just bitterness talking...but surprisingly, even if that was the message sent by the email...it did not sting that much...so that bitterness talk was of another story...Anyways, I thought there was only one email but I got a few as well, I saw the ranking and all...I got number one for some, hey!!! Hahaha...so I read the latest email again and again and it struck me, seriously, it was me being stupid already...goodness, I should get it the first time but since I embodied my worst expectation, I did not get to hear the point....I got in.

Have you heard or been to Angkor Wat? Lucky you if you did, I envy you...but not anymore...So just a background...On the latest 22nd of March, I got an email from my amazing prof in graduate school. She emailed us that someone was looking for volunteers for an excavation in a mound in Angkor Wat for 6 weeks...So I was being nerdy and thought it was cool...and its sponsered, hell yeah!!! I told to myself, I need to jump in and try...so I tried...and I got in.

Here is the sucky part of all this, well, sucky is actually subjective...yeah, keep telling yourself that Mr. U...In any case, what I really excited to be part of basically leads to me leaving what I turn to love to do...Well, I could go back and do what I do even if what do is not really good, hahaha...But it would have to later, like a year or two later...I would have love to continue doing it but that opportunity is Godsend man...Can't let it pass...Nonetheless, to you, dreadful of an institution that you call a disaster, damn it...you are special, in almost two months...I will not be in.